Foundations of Disciple-Making: Relationships by Paulo Lopes

Are you primarily a fiction or a non-fiction reader? I’ll confess I can’t remember the last time I picked up a fiction title. I know, it’s bad. But ever since my dad gave me a copy of Stephen Covey’s “7 Habits of Highly Effective People” when I was 14, I’ve been hooked. I have bookshelves packed with non-fiction titles, from leadership to theology to… yep, GTD (is anyone still using that?).

For as long as I can remember, I’ve always been drawn to systems, frameworks, steps, best-practices, you name it. And, for the longest time I moved around in ministry mostly oblivious to the fact that the modern ministry world  – at least as far back as the 80s –  generally gives preference to people who are wired a bit like me. This is a uniquely Western phenomenon. Yet, as I travel to different parts of the world it has become clear that a large portion of the church has adopted much of this style of ministry. 

Now, there is nothing inherently wrong with thinking systematically about church and ministry. We should be organized. We should develop healthy systems for raising leaders. We should think strategically about the future and where we’re going in our local churches and denominations. I mean, what would the Methodist Wesleyan movement be without John Wesley’s systematic approach to field preaching, establishing class meetings, bands, societies, etc? 

The problem arises when we fail to realize that when it comes to the most basic and essential part of ministry, namely making disciples, our systems, strategies, and frameworks, aren’t bad. They’re simply not enough. Here’s why: Discipleship requires relationships, and relationships are messy! They read more like the fiction section of the bookstore. Did Jesus strategize? Absolutely! Were the disciples counting numbers and paying attention to the stats? It sure looks like it! But underneath all of that was something that looked more like storytelling, dancing, or playing music. It looked more like art. 

The Relational Nature of Discipleship

Let’s take Jesus’ relationship with Peter, for instance. Notice the relational arch between them. In Luke 5 they meet, Peter is reluctant at first, but decides to follow Jesus after an impressive demonstration of power. Then in Mark 8 we see Peter believing he has enough relational capital to rebuke Jesus (it didn’t turn out well for him). The relationship escalates to Peter’s famous declaration “Even if I have to die with you, I will never disown you,” followed by all the other disciples. Peter of course fails to keep his promise by denying Jesus in Luke 22, which undoubtedly caused a great deal of shame and guilt. Then, after the resurrection, Jesus restores relationship with Peter in John 21. What an incredible relational sequence of events! 

It takes us looking at Acts 4:13 however, to get a full picture of the fruit of that relationship. In Acts 3, Peter and John heal a lame man, then Peter goes on to preach with authority to the onlookers. After this they are brought before the rulers, elders, and teachers of the law for questioning at the Sanhedrin. Luke then tells us in Acts 4:13: “When they saw the courage of Peter and John and realized that they were unschooled, ordinary men, they were astonished and they took note that these men had been with Jesus.” The conclusion of those Jewish leaders after observing Peter’s behavior, was that he had been with Jesus. In other words, the relational dance between Jesus and Peter over a number of years, culminated in Peter becoming a sort of person who had undeniably become more like Jesus.

We could spend time doing this same exercise with other disciples, as well as with Barnabas and Paul, Paul and Timothy, etc. The common thread is that after all the strategies and systems are in place, discipleship is still the result of persons intentionally relating to other persons, pointing them to Jesus by modeling, showing, telling, and challenging.

Nothing has taught me more about this than being married and parenting three teenage girls. I do have some systems in place that help me organize those relationships. And I do have best-practices I try to follow to make sense of it all. However, at the end of the day, they are four very unique human beings, with their own thoughts, opinions, dreams, and frustrations. My systems and strategies will set the stage for our daily interactions, but they won’t do the “relating” for me. And, the “relating” is the main thing!

Reclaiming Personal Responsibility in Disciple-Making

I’ve observed in churches that it isn’t hard for Christians to understand the personal nature of things like prayer, giving, and reading scripture. Sure, most Christians understand that there are times when the church does those things corporately, but it is self-evident to them that those activities are also expected personally. For example, they understand that it’s important for us to pray as a community during corporate worship, but that it’s not a substitute for personal devotion and prayer. The same, however, isn’t the case when it comes to disciple making. Many Christians believe the church makes disciples, without realizing this means we are called personally to that task.

It is crucial that we understand the foundational nature of relationships when it comes to discipleship, otherwise we are left with churches where people believe our discipleship systems make disciples. Additionally, we risk creating a culture whereby inviting someone to a church service, or participating in a community outreach, or serving on a church team, are seen as the ultimate work of making disciples. Ultimately, we risk reducing discipleship to a series of coordinated steps and activities excellently designed to get people engaged and committed to the church, but terrible at helping people become more like Jesus in the context of intentional relationships with one another. 

This is part one in a five-part series dedicated to exploring what I have come to understand as the five foundations of disciple-making. I hope this is helpful to all of those who, like me, are laboring to help the Church become better at participating in the Great Commission. Join us in this conversation by downloading WME’s WE419 app, where you can engage with resources, post your thoughts, etc.